Growing up3–7 yrs
Child afraid of the dark? 8 gentle ideas for calmer bedtimes
It is 7.45 pm. The story is read, the lamp is off. Then a small voice: “Mummy? Daddy? There’s something under the bed.” If you have a child afraid of the dark, you are in very good company. Fear of the dark is a normal part of growing up, and there is a lot you can do to make night-time feel less scary.
In short
- Fear of the dark is common and developmental, especially as imagination grows in the preschool years.
- Take the fear seriously, listen and comfort, without making the monsters bigger.
- A dim night light, a cuddly toy and the same calm routine every night help many children.
- Talk to your child health nurse or doctor if the fear keeps your child from sleeping well for a long time.
Why are children afraid of the dark?
Around the age of three, something big happens: imagination takes off. Your child can suddenly picture things that are not there, and the dark leaves plenty of room for them. A coat on a chair becomes a giant. A shadow becomes a wolf.
According to 1177, Sweden’s public health guide, it is common for children aged roughly three to five to be afraid of ghosts, monsters, burglars and the dark. Fears can also grow when life changes, for example when starting preschool, moving house or welcoming a new sibling. Scary pictures from a film or an older friend can pop up again just when it gets quiet and dark.
How common is fear of the dark?
Very common. Cincinnati Children’s Hospital writes that 45 to 80 percent of children aged 12 and under are afraid of the dark at some point in childhood. Many grow out of it on their own, but for the little one lying awake tonight it feels completely real. That is why “just stop it” does not work.
45–80%
of children aged 12 and under fear the dark at some point (Cincinnati Children’s)
The most important message for you as a parent: your child is not being difficult, and you have not done anything wrong. They simply need help to feel safe again.
8 gentle tips when your child is afraid of the dark
1. Listen first, explain later
1177 advises parents to accept that the child is scared and to listen, rather than trying to convince them that monsters do not exist. Ask with curiosity: “What does it look like? Where does it usually sit?” When four-year-old Elsa gets to describe the “shadow monster”, it often shrinks a little.
2. Talk about fears in the daytime
Bedtime is not the moment for long talks. Bring it up at breakfast or on the way home from preschool. Reading books about being scared in daylight is another tip from 1177.
3. A dim night light or a door left ajar
It is perfectly fine if your child does not want pitch black. A night light with a soft, warm glow or a door left slightly open is often enough. Children’s Hospital Colorado reminds parents that kids still need a fairly dark room to sleep well: choose one dim light, not the ceiling lamp.
4. A cuddly toy on guard duty
A teddy or a comfort blanket is a classic for a reason. Give it a job: “Teddy is guarding the pillow tonight.” Your child gets something to hold on to when it feels scary.
5. Monster spray, or rather brave spray?
Many families love a spray bottle of water with a fun label. Some experts point out, though, that a spray “against monsters” can make them seem even more real. A gentler twist is to give it a positive name, like “sleep-tight spray” or “brave spray”, and spritz the pillow once as part of the routine. It is about feeling safe, not chasing anyone away.
6. Play with the dark while it is light
Turn darkness into something fun: shadow puppets with a torch, a blanket fort under the table, a “dark picnic”. Start short and praise bravery. Both Cincinnati Children’s and Children’s Hospital Colorado suggest practising in small steps during the day.
7. The same bedtime routine every night
Predictability calms. Bath or teeth, pyjamas, story, goodnight hug, lights. Same order, roughly the same time. Read more in our guide to bedtime routines for kids.
8. Show that you are calm
Children read us. If you rush in with a worried voice every time, they conclude the danger is real. Walk in calmly, say something short and reassuring, and show that you believe they can handle it.
Tip from the Lillmoln team
Let your child “tuck in” their cuddly toys before climbing into bed. Three-year-old Noah puts his teddy on the pillow, says goodnight to the lamp, then to Moln. Taking care of someone else makes little ones a bit braver.
How do you make the bed feel like a safe place?
1177 stresses that going to bed should never be a punishment. The bed should feel like your child’s own cosy nest. Let them help choose: which teddy sleeps here, what colour is the duvet, which book stays by the bed? The more the bed feels like “mine”, the easier it is to stay in it.
This is where Moln can lend a hand. Our pillow comes with a washable cover in happy colours and Moln, a little sleeping cloud that many children love saying goodnight to. It is a comfort pillow, it will not make fears disappear, but a bed your child likes is a good place to start.
When should you get help for fear of the dark?
For most children, the fear fades with time, patience and a little reassurance. Sometimes, though, a family needs support.
Contact your child health centre (BVC in Sweden), school nurse or GP if your child has slept badly for a long period, seems afraid to fall asleep and sleeps poorly because of it, or is troubled by the fear during the day too. If something upsetting or frightening has happened in your child’s life, it is also wise to talk to someone. In Sweden you can call 1177 for advice, day and night.
Does your child often wake up scared in the middle of the night? Read our guide to children waking up at night, where we explain the difference between nightmares and night terrors.
FAQ
At what age do children become afraid of the dark?
Many children become afraid of the dark, monsters and ghosts somewhere between about three and five, as their imagination grows. It can start earlier or later, and that is normal.
Is a night light okay?
Yes. A dim night light or a door left ajar helps many children. Choose a soft, warm light so the room still stays fairly dark.
Should I tell my child monsters aren’t real?
You can say you do not believe in monsters, but listen first. Taking the fear seriously and offering comfort usually works better than arguing.
Can my child sleep in our bed when scared?
That is up to each family. If you want your child to sleep in their own bed, you can sit next to them until they fall asleep, then gradually sit for a shorter time.
Keep reading
Growing up2–4 yrs
When to Move a Toddler to a Big Bed: Signs, Tips and Safety
Sleep1–16 yrs
How Much Sleep Does a Child Need? A Simple Chart From 1 to 16
Routines2–7 yrs